Quite honestly since I've retired I have had frequent bouts of depression as well as anxiety.  At first I thought it was just me not adjusting...for not only had I retired but I had moved 2,000 miles away from my home in Northern California.  Trust me when I say that when I lived in California...I belonged...for I was living with a population of shared values.  In Wisconsin I do not feel like I belong for the people that share my values seem to be in the minority.  So I blamed new location as the reason for my depression.  Then as I grew in my understanding of this issue I realized the depression was loss of identity as well as purpose in day to day living.

Eventually the depressions grew further and farther between.  However, this last one is a doozy for it started a week ago and continues through to today.  Within 10 minutes of waking this morning (for example) my thoughts had dived into the negative.  This depression...this negativity and anxiety...they are not me so when they happen like this, they scare me.

Today I decided to do a little research and "Googled" the term "depression and the newly retired."  There are a plethora of articles on this and if there is any comfort in it...I am not alone for it is a subject not widely discussed yet it is widely known.

Daniel Kurt in his 12/16/16 articled said this:  

"Retirement and depression aren’t inextricably linked. But for much of the population, the reality of life after work doesn’t live up to its promise. Many older workers look forward to finally being able to focus on the things that give them greatest pleasure. Yet, according to a study by the London-based Institute of Economic Affairs, the likelihood that someone will suffer from clinical depression actually goes up by about 40% after retiring."

Wow.

Mr. Kurt has a number of suggestions for combating this depression.  I will paraphrase the three that spoke to me most:

1.  Stay in shape - get out of the house, walk, swim, bike...do something to keep moving.
2.  Develop a schedule - each day plan on doing something.  Wake up at a regular time.  Go out for coffee.
3.  Keep on working - work on a part-time schedule.  Do what you did while working full time...but now do it part-time...or now is the time for that second career.

I am not alone in this.  

Lastly, today's Daily Word from Unity also gave me some much needed encouragement on a spiritual level:  

"Seasons change, people change, and I change as I grow in understanding of life, of God, and of myself. I can prepare for such moments by living in faith. Rather than exerting effort to live in the past, I focus my energy on building upon new possibilities."

So today I move forward with these lessons and thoughts into a more positive frame of mind and life.  I move forward.

E'nuff!

Yesterday...after having been at home for three days without venturing out, CJ and I were beginning to snarl at each other.  Once again I am...and have been for the last week going through one of the periods of depression that seem to happen since I've retired.  So I decided to needed to get out of the house and go on a day trip somewhere.

I ended up in Superior, WI.  It was a nice day with a beautiful drive.  As I was moving from Pacifica, CA to here a friend said to me "I bet the thing you will miss most is you walks along the beach."  He was so right about that.  Yesterday that missing part of my life was assuaged for the day.  A note to myself...Lake Superior is only a one and one-half hour drive from the wee cottage in the woods.

Today is dark and gray with rain...lots of rain.  The depression is still with me...but I am determined I am not going to give it any power so after I am done here...I have chores to do.

​E'nuff!

My favorite seasons of the year...and this was even true when I lived in San Francisco, Ca...are (with 1 being the most favorite and 4 being the least favorite):

1.  Fall
2.  Winter
3.  Spring
4.  Summer

I love fall because of the cool nights and mild days.  I love winter because of the holidays as well as the winter rains and snow.  Then there is spring which I enjoy for the weather turning warm again...for the flowers and plants coming to life.  Then there is summer...and I am not a fan of either heat or humidity...so summer is endured.  However, I do love summer barbecues.

Last night the weather turned delightfully cool and I slept well...and woke to a cool and crisp morning.  Today is like a typical summer day in San Francisco rather than a typical summer day in the midwest (heat & humidity).  The weather pattern must be from Canada for I noticed the clouds overhead were drifting from Northwest to Southeast.  Regardless, I am enjoying this day.

Lest I forget...it is also Monday.  Monday.  Monday where I was able to sleep late and not worry about getting to work.  How nice is that?  Instead of the shock of a workweek Monday, I am enjoying a quiet Monday morning while listening to classical music and sipping Gevalia coffee...and knowing that today's schedule is my own.

​E'nuff!

There is not much new that can be said about Gay Pride Weekend...especially that wonderful celebration that takes place in San Francisco, CA.  Yes, it is wonderful that we gay people now have the acceptance of corporations...at least those in California...where they and their employees want to participate in our celebration of who we are.  However, it would be nice if the Gay Pride parade were more about us than about corporations.

All of our lives we are made to be less than human...even in this day...Trumplandia has brought out the innate hate of a vocal minority of Americans.  The fake president has give them a voice with which they can express their vitriol.  So even in this time of celebration of our humanity, we gay people need to be well aware that the forces of evil are fully capable of destroying every right we have fought so hard to gain.

However, on this Gay Pride Sunday I will not dwell on the negative.  Rather I will dwell upon the positive...that it is indeed a day of celebration regardless of whether we are in the big cities or the small towns.  We are.  We shall be.  We are forever.  And we will triumph for we are a good people.  God created us in his image.

Happy Pride!

​E'nuff!

The weekend has arrived.  Although I am retired I am still close enough to my previous career where Friday still has a special place place in my heart.  During my career I worked very hard yet at the same time loved my time away from work.  To use an old and almost worn out adage, I worked to live but did not live to work.

Back "in the day" when my friends and I were all in our 20s, we declared Thursday as the new Friday.  Our thought process was that no matter how hard we might celebrate on a Thursday night, we could make it through Friday because Friday was the last day of the work week.  I cannot tell you the number of times I had to run home during lunch on a Friday in order to nap because I'd had way to much fun on Thursday night!

Then the years passed and we all moved into our 30s, 40s and 50s.  For a good many years while I worked in the Silicon Valley a group of us guys would get together on every Friday night at this dive bar called Renegades.  I am not sure how it all started any longer but I do know that a co-worker and I were the original two...for around 11am on any given Friday one of us would get an email from the other saying "want to get together for 'one' after work?"  The response was always YES and after work we would head off to Renegades for that Friday cocktail.  Then there was Charlie that joined us...and then Greg...and before long there were 16 or so of us that would meet at the bar on Friday nights.  We called ourselves "The Friday Night Social Club."  At one point in time we even had our "Friday Night Social Club" Christmas parties...which started with all of us meeting at Renegades and then moving on to a nice restaurant for our dinner.

Good times accompanied by good memories and as I am typing this I am smiling at the thoughts and memories flowing through my mind.

Then the AIDS epidemic began affecting our group...our Friday Night Social Club.  When the epidemic was done with our group...of the 16 or so of us...only three of us were left:  Charlie, Greg and I.  Those few years were very painful as friend after friend died...sometimes two in one week.  Eventually I changed jobs, Charlie retired and moved to Las Vegas and that then Greg was the only one left in San Jose.    Charlie, Greg and I did meet at Renegades one last time a few years later.  The three of us were sitting quietly at the bar having a drink surrounded by the ghosts of our friends and I believe it was Charlie that actually said "There are too many ghosts in here...let's go"  and with that we finished up our drinks and left. That was the last time that the three of us...the last of the Friday Night Social Club met.

After that Friday nights became nights spent at home.  I remember the extremely satisfied feeling of getting home, triple locking the front door, building a fire in the fireplace, and unpacking groceries...the work week was done and the weekend was at hand.

So, now many many years later I am retired and at my wee little cottage in the woods on this Friday.  I am thankful for all the good memories accumulated over the years.  Each and every one of these memories is a blessing.

So, what am I doing this Friday evening?  I think I will bake a pie.  I think it will be a blueberry pie.

​E'nuff!

 For approximately two weeks we had a number of violent late springs storms roll through this part of Wisconsin.  The storms were accompanied by high winds, heavy rain, thunder, lightning...and power outages.  The power outages sometimes even happened when it was not storming!  Each time there was a power outage, I lost internet access and when the power came back the lost internet access did not.  Methinks the old modem quite simply got fried in the process of the storms...and I now have a new modem and it is up and back working once again.  Yay!

This morning I am up bright and early...well before the sun starts coming up over the horizon.  I sit on the deck and savor not only taste of good Gevalia coffee but also the moment of quiet before the day starts.  Is this my new regimen in the the "life of the retired"?  Perhaps...I am not sure yet if this getting up early will continue but what I do know is that I love these moments.

Monday afternoon and yesterday morning I continued to catch up on the backlog of emails and chores associated with having internet access.  Yesterday I tackled Medicare supplemental insurance...it was not a fun process dealing with the runaround of the insurance providers.  I will not name any names but boy am I close to doing so!

Then I tackled getting myself set up as a content writer through "Content Runner."  My profile had been partially started a few weeks ago but yesterday I got it nearly completed.  Now I have lots of questions about how all of this works and will start making a few phone calls and inquiries today in the hope of getting these questions answered.  I am looking forward to my new career as a content writer.

Lastly...from today's Daily Word:  "Holding others in prayer is a powerful, sacred process."  There seems to be a theme here that the Universe is trying to teach me.  The first part of that theme is that when we take care of ourselves spiritually...everything else will fall into its divine place whether it be good health, love, or prosperity.  The second part of that them is that by taking care of others we begin to heal ourselves.

E'nuff!

Yesterday at this hour of the morning it was already 74 (F) at my wee cottage in the woods...and later in the day the temp soared to 91 (F) with a blistering fierce wind out of the south.  The 18,000 BTU worth of portable air conditioners worked mightily to keep my home cool.  This morning it is 55 (F) comfortable degrees with a forecast high of 76(F).  As much as I appreciate the air conditioning when I need it, it is nice to have it shut off and experience the quiet with a soft summer breeze whispering through the windows.

Years and years ago the food editor to the Minneapolis Star Tribune was this wonderful down-to-earth woman named Mary Hart.  Sometime during the late 1970s...I actually believe it was September, 1979, she published this recipe for "Summer Salad Soup."  From the moment I made it that long ago hot summer it has been one of my favorite recipes.

Yesterday as the portable air conditioners struggled to keep my home cool I knew I did not want to be using the stove.  So I turned to this old trusted recipe since I knew that its chilly perfection of flavors would be the perfect antidote to the heat.  And I was right.  Obviously there are leftovers...and I am taking them as my contribution to a Sunday brunch today.

BTW...the recipe is on this blog.  Go to the recipe tab and in the search mechanism type in "soup" and from there you should be able to easily find it.

Today's Daily Word was about world peace.  It is truly hard to believe...to understand the concept of "world peace" given human history as well as the events of today.  Yet I do think of this phrase from a Unity hymn:  "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."  It may seem impossible to change the course of events in this world yet our responsibility is to ourselves...so let's create peace within our hearts and souls.  Let us unite with the cumulative power of hearts and souls overflowing with the peace...and the world will change.

"So I joyfully claim and express those energies by affirming: I AM peace." ~ 6/11/17 Daily Word

​E'nuff!

Even though I am now retired Friday remains my favorite moment of the week.  So like those that completed the work week, I too began settling into the weekend...with actual weekend plans.

Today the weather forecast is for a high of 90 (F) with rain.  Ugh.  Thankfully too as of yesterday I now have two portable air conditioners producing between them 18,000 BTU's of coolness.  Yesterday they kept the wee cottage in the woods comfortable...but the temp was 80 (F).  Today will be their real test.

I'd forgotten how much I detest summer here in the upper midwest.  Heat, humidity and I do not have a loving relationship.  Fortunately those hot humid days here are not the norm yet they happen enough to make summer a miserable experience.  Ahhh well, I will become acclimated to this too once again.

Now it is Saturday morning and I sit here sipping on a mug of Gevalia coffee and putting together my grocery list.  Years ago the food editor at the Minneapolis Tribune was a woman named Mary Hart.  Sometime during the 1970s she published a recipe for what she called "Summer Soup."  It is a wonderful cold soup redolent of summer and made with tomatoes, cucumber, green onion, carrots, etc.  I guess it could be a variation of gazpacho.  My grocery list this morning contains the ingredients for this soup since I will be making it this afternoon.  Yum!  (BTW, the recipe for this soup is under the recipe section of this blog.)

Now it is time for me to head to the shower and start the day...

​E'nuff!

By yesterday the lithium battery on the weed whacker was fully charge.  I'd spent the morning reading a good book but by afternoon I was ready to get out to the yard and do some work.  So I weed whacked the hell out of the walkway borders, the flower bed borders, around the trees, and anywhere else I could find!  Then I got out the trimmers and worked at trimming not only the lilacs but various shrubs that need old dead growth trimmed away.  After that I cleaned up all of the mess as well as swept the sidewalks and walkways.

By time that was all done this was one hot, sweaty, tired old man.  LOL  So, I cleaned up my tools and put them away...and hobbled into the house and made myself a Tanqueray & tonic. I took my ice cold and satisfying cocktail to the front porch  and sat there enjoying the result of my afternoon's work.

As I settled into bed last night a warm, soft, spring rain was pitter pattering away and to that sound I drifted off to sleep.  All was well in this world.

Today I woke to weather more humid than yesterday...and looking at the weather forecast we are to have hot and humid weather with thunderstorms through the weekend.  The portable air conditioner will then prove whether it was a good buy or not.  

From today's Daily Word I carry this thought:  "What makes me real is that I accept myself as a sacred expression of God."  My interpretation of this is not only learning to accept myself as who I am...but to understand with that acceptance that what I am is an expression of God.  May then...all my thoughts, words, actions be expressed in that manner.  This is my opportunity to let my true sacred self shine and be; and, it is also a time to shed the behaviors...the thought processes...the beliefs...that have been learned while trying to be other than who I am.  I've done well in the American corporate world yet that has not really been me nor what I wanted to be.  Now is the time to express my creative self.

I may or may not be the next Picasso.  I may or may not be the next Ansel Adams.  Yet, when all is said and done I will have expressed all that I am through my own creative voice, actions and deeds.

​E'nuff!

Yesterday I bought a "weed whacker."  Although Gilbert (my 75 year old neighbor that mows my grass with his riding mower) does an excellent job there were areas of growing weeds that needed to be whacked.  And whack them I did yesterday with great joy and relish...and until the battery powered weed whacker ran out of energy.  Overnight I recharged that battery and I am ready to attack the weeds in the backyard.  Weeds...be afraid today...be very afraid!  LOL

"Each morning as I awake, even before I get out of bed, I take a few moments to listen."  This sentence is from today's Daily Word.  It has so much meaning to me.  Each morning here in the north country nature starts coming to life around 4am...and I lay in bed listening to the songs of the birds as well as the silence of an early morning.  In that quiet time punctuated by sweet birdsong no thoughts are in my mind but rather I am just quietly being in the moment.  From these moments I gather my peace and my strength for the day and before too long the coffee maker is brewing coffee, CJ is fed, and my morning has started.

The moments of depression still happen although not as frequently as before.  Over the weekend I could feel depression nudging at the edges of my mind but refused to give it any power...and that time it went away without even a whisper and I was ok.

Today is another wonderful blessing.

​E'nuff!