Breezing

"Breezing" is the race horse's last turn
around the track
After the absolute effort of timed gallop
Before the long cooling walk.
Breezing, he sets his speed
tests his mood,
Head up, tail high, work behind him,
Oats waiting in the barn.

Today I am breezing,
judging the day with my nostrils,
Someone's baking bread,
Someone else burning oak.
But I have misunderstood the wind.
I turn for home and it slams me like
something left unlatched.
And I still have the hill.
But at the finish
My oats.

~Gail Mahr

An Oblivious Metamorphosis

When I was twelve,
I merged in the dark of the Tower Theater
with Shirley Maclaine.
Elfin rufous hair and celadon eyes, pale
perfect skin, thoroughbred legs,
were mine and hers.
We had the power to make men lust 
and cherish.
Home in the bathroom mirror,
round and mousey me.
Strangers thought I was my brother's brother.

Twenty-five years later
looking in the mirror again,
Eyes the color of winter grass stared back,
Hair sliced with gold slides across the face,
Not Shirley's face.
But
The one I deserve.

~Gail Mahr

A dear friend of mine is a gifted writer.  I find her work to be both magical and intuitive.  Graciously she has agree to allow me to share some of her work on my blog.  Consequently during the next few weeks, from time to time, you will see something written by Gail Mahr.  With that introduction I now share with you:

 "Lost Waitress Poem":

Over the Years,
Michael fell in love with this blond waitress.
He could imagine her
in one of his old shirts reading the newspaper
next to him in bed,
even as she said:  "Coffee, sir?"

One day, only dusty plants
waited in the window where the restaurant
used to be.
Michael new he lost her.
He ate every lunch out,
dinner, sometimes, too plunging ardent-eyed
into uncharted Pizza Heavens and Mac and Don's,
blurting not:  "Can I look at the menu?"
but:  "Let me see your waitresses!"

In Michael's town
there are many restaurants.
Because he hated Chinese food,
He never found her

~Gail Mahr


​

Last night, about the time I went to bed, I was fully stressed.  Thoughts throughout the day brought home to me that on Monday, at the vet's office, that there would be no good or easy choices.

And, by the way, yesterday afternoon and again this morning Lulu Belle seems to be doing better.  She is eating, she is drinking water, she is playing...and she purrs when petted.  You know, a cat owner can tell a whole lot about what is going on with their cat by the cat litter box.  Today, the usage from yesterday and during the night appeared to be more in line with what it was a month ago.  Unfortunately, the urinating on the rug at the base of the stairs continues.

No, there will be no easy choices tomorrow.  This morning when I did my version of meditation and prayer, I sought faith in this time when faith seems elusive.  Maybe what I need is not only faith but strength as well.

I wish I could tell you that my prayer and meditation are answered and I found myself enlightened, but it is not that simple.  Rather I find myself with a resolve to take this whole situation one step at a time meanwhile reminding myself it is not about me because it is about Lulu Belle and her well being.  It is up to me to give to her nothing but love during this time.

No, there will be no easy choices tomorrow but there may be an answer that I do not expect.  My next statement might surprise you...and you might have to be a Unity member to fully understand it:  "I can't wait to see the good that is going to come out of this."

I will keep you posted.

It is a subdued day here at the wee cottage in the woods.  The quotes/texts from last night and this morning tell the story:

"Sadly, Lulu Belle is not doing very well.  All signs are that her kidneys are failing.  I can’t get her into the vet until Monday afternoon.  Right now she is resting in her kitty bed with a bowl of water next to her.  Her sweet little spirit has had a rough life and it is my hope that if she is to pass, that she passes in her own home where she knows she is loved."

"In the last couple of weeks the clues were there but I was too dumb to put 2 & 2 together…until yesterday."

"Not much has changed since yesterday evening.  She did come upstairs to greet me this morning...and to look out the window for a bit.  Now she has disappeared once again and I am sure if I were to go look for her, she would be in the big comfy kitty bed that belongs to her.  I am keeping her water dish full and have started giving her some wet food...it has moisture and it is nutritious for her.

In a little bit, I will be checking on her to make sure the water bowl is full and to give her a bit more food."

Right now, right now this Saturday morning, Monday is a long ways away from here...

 I love this...it came via FB, of all places, this morning.  Because it captures my thoughts so perfectly, I wanted to save it and share it at the same time:

"I have a theory that the moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. I have tried this experiment a thousand times and I have never been disappointed. The more I look at a thing, the more I see in it, and the more I see in it, the more I want to see. It is like peeling an onion. There is always another layer, and another, and another. And each layer is more beautiful than the last.

This is the way I look at the world. I don't see it as a collection of objects, but as a vast and mysterious organism. I see the beauty in the smallest things, and I find wonder in the most ordinary events. I am always looking for the hidden meaning, the secret message. I am always trying to understand the mystery of life.

I know that I will never understand everything, but that doesn't stop me from trying.

I am content to live in the mystery, to be surrounded by the unknown. I am content to be a seeker, a pilgrim, a traveler on the road to nowhere."   ~Henry Miller