Yet today a friend told me exactly what is going on...and he was and is absolutely right. First I am now retired which brings with it two uncertainties: 1) Not getting the paycheck every two weeks; and, 2) No longer having structure of the 7am to 3:30pm workday. Even though I know I will be alright and I have absolute and complete faith in the Universe to provide...my mind chatter does take over at times.
Then on top of being retired, I've moved halfway across the country from big city living to small town life. Even though I know I will adjust and will be ok...it is quite a change to go from California (San Francisco) to Frederic...to go from a metropolitan area of 7 million people to a small town of 1,100 people. There are many things I miss about San Francisco already and yet there are many things I love already about living in Frederic. Do I feel discombobulated? Most assuredly I do.
Lastly, my two closest friends...and I am best friend to each of them are going through their own personal hell as their relationship is on the rocks. Since November I have been caught between the two of them. I am worn out. I love each of them. I keep insisting they see a marriage counselor not so much to save their marriage but to save themselves and their love for each other. So far they ignore me. To be honest, I am at wit's end in dealing with each of them...yet what can I do?
So...no wonder that I am in this strange funk when I should be happy. Yet there are moments when I truly am happy for I love my new home, I love having CJ with me here, and even though I have my moments the warm and comfortable vibe of this house does calm my soul.
What is today will change and tomorrow will be a whole 'nother event. It will all be ok and I am sure of that.