Today has been a day of mixed emotions. The cause of those mixed emotions probably can be attributed to a lack of sleep for I put in a very restless night of sleep. Then you couple that with a cool gray April day along with unpacking fatigue and it is the right combination for a general malaise of emotions.
I find myself looking back at the wonderful 35 years in which I lived in San Francisco and the Bay Area...and so much missing it today. What I would not give to hop in the car and go to the Mix for "one". Yet I know that that misty thought is but an illusion for the last few years that I lived there I seldom went to the Mix. It was so seldom that I went there or even in the Castro that when there I felt out of place...out of step...a stranger in my own place. The wild and fun loving young man that I was when first moving there has given way to a care worn man that is to be 70 years old this summer. There is still a lot of life, fun, and laughter left in me yet those same things I pursued as a young man, I do not pursue now. Maybe I am missing that which once was the magic of San Francisco. That magic has disappeared with the advent of the techies, the high cost of living, the death of the gay scene, the death of the art scene, the death of the music scene. The San Francisco that once was is like a glamorous ghost that appears from time to time in everyday events. Every once in awhile you sense a glimmer of what it was...and then that glimmer disappears in the hard edged unforgiving greed of today's San Francisco. The San Francisco of Kim Novak is long dead. The San Francisco of the gay revolution is long dead.
There is an old saying and I repeat it: "Make sure you are not so busy looking at the door that just closed, that you miss the door that just opened."
And that saying strikes me as where I am at today emotionally. I am now residing in a lovely home that is located in the woods and lake country of Northwestern Wisconsin. A new door has opened for me and as I hesitantly go through that door, I cast a glance over my shoulder and say "goodbye" to what once was. I embrace today and each and every day of this new future...this new home, place, time, experience. I can feel the bright sunlight of a new future shining in my face.
Thank you Universe.
I find myself looking back at the wonderful 35 years in which I lived in San Francisco and the Bay Area...and so much missing it today. What I would not give to hop in the car and go to the Mix for "one". Yet I know that that misty thought is but an illusion for the last few years that I lived there I seldom went to the Mix. It was so seldom that I went there or even in the Castro that when there I felt out of place...out of step...a stranger in my own place. The wild and fun loving young man that I was when first moving there has given way to a care worn man that is to be 70 years old this summer. There is still a lot of life, fun, and laughter left in me yet those same things I pursued as a young man, I do not pursue now. Maybe I am missing that which once was the magic of San Francisco. That magic has disappeared with the advent of the techies, the high cost of living, the death of the gay scene, the death of the art scene, the death of the music scene. The San Francisco that once was is like a glamorous ghost that appears from time to time in everyday events. Every once in awhile you sense a glimmer of what it was...and then that glimmer disappears in the hard edged unforgiving greed of today's San Francisco. The San Francisco of Kim Novak is long dead. The San Francisco of the gay revolution is long dead.
There is an old saying and I repeat it: "Make sure you are not so busy looking at the door that just closed, that you miss the door that just opened."
And that saying strikes me as where I am at today emotionally. I am now residing in a lovely home that is located in the woods and lake country of Northwestern Wisconsin. A new door has opened for me and as I hesitantly go through that door, I cast a glance over my shoulder and say "goodbye" to what once was. I embrace today and each and every day of this new future...this new home, place, time, experience. I can feel the bright sunlight of a new future shining in my face.
Thank you Universe.
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