Yesterday, Sunday, was a quiet day at home spent either reading or watching TV. I was paralyzed by depression. It was a day of being tired, depressed, and homesick for California. At times I felt like I was being smothered here in Frederic with no way out. I regretted my decision to move here. I second guessed my decision to retire thinking I should have stayed in the San Francisco Bay Area and worked until I was 80. My thoughts were telling me that I was (am) a healthy old workhorse and I could have done well. And at least I would not have been stuck here.
Was I looking at the key word(s) here? Healthy. No, not at all for I was so busy being unhappy that I did not look at my blessings. I ignored the beautiful wee house in the woods and how fortunate I was to have it. The prosperous bank accounts of mine...I ignored. Also ignored was CJ's daily happiness at the wee house in the woods. It was quite the pity party of one. As miserable as I was I knew it was not really me being me.
Am I lonely? Yes. Do I miss the hustle and bustle of city living? Yes. Do I miss the convenience of city living? Yes! Do I miss the wonderful magical vibe of San Francisco? Oh how my heart aches.
Am I so busy looking at this one door in my life that just closed that I am ignoring the new door that just opened with all of its possibilities? Yes! Most assuredly so...for some reason I am not embracing this new life but rather instead I am second guessing myself.
When distressed like this, I turn to my faith and the old and true Unity adage "Let go and let God." Today's Daily Word was "spot on" for me as these words guided my spirit: "I find comfort and strength in prayer. Spirit whispers in my heart to let go and trust. Following this gentle guidance, I let go of the past. With faith I let life continually move me forward with a sense of peace and security."
So it is with a sense of peace that I sit here this morning sipping my coffee and watching the early morning sun trying to peek through the clouds. I know within my soul...even though at times my mind may try to tell me otherwise...that this is all good and nothing but good will come out of it.