In last night's dream, I dreamed that we were allowed to be together two days per week. I was thrilled at the idea and so was he. Now, mind you, this was a dream so whoever was making up the two day rule was not defined.
You see, as we entered into our relationship of knowing each other...I was convinced it would not last and said so to two close friends. It was one of those times where I went into a situation with a lover not knowing whether it would last or not; yet, determined to enjoy it for what it was. And I did enjoy...and he did too. His friends would say to me "he never seems happy unless he is around you." Another friend of his...actually his roommate...at one time said to me "he laughs so much when he is with you."
He loved to picnic! Yes! Rather than spend an evening or night of bar hopping he liked nothing better than to spend an afternoon at the beach or at a park enjoying natures bounty...as well as each others company. I still chuckle and smile at the time we went to the beach at San Gregorio. We took the treacherous trail down to the beautiful white sand beach that is there. Many of you reading this know of this beach so when I tell you we found a comfortable beach "condo" made of pieces of driftwood and flew one of our underwear (can't remember whose) on the pole that staked the condo as being used...you know exactly what I mean. The two of us spent an afternoon in the sun, protected from the wind off of the Northern Pacific by our "condo" smoking pot, drinking wine, eating sandwiches, and visiting with guys in the neighboring condos. We laughed and giggled through the afternoon wanting for nothing else than each others companionship. We were so happy together and at one point he snuggle up to me and whispered into my ear "If I were a puppy dog right now, my tail would be wagging." My heart both smiled and melted at the same time.
Eventually the sun disappeared over the horizon and the gray evening settled in and we had to head for home...my home. On the way home I drove with his head resting trustingly against my shoulder as he slept. It was and is one of the fondest moments and memories of my life.
He once declared to me that "if you really love someone then that love never ever really dies."
In our time spent together we only had two major arguments and during one of them in the heat of the moment he declared "I hope you never have a lover again." He did not know that a few years earlier, I'd already made that decision. So I guess on both of our parts, his comment was somewhat prophetic.
The last time I talked to him was October, 2001. He was in New Orleans at the time...his favorite city...and had called me. During our conversation he declared that he loved me and wanted for us to spend our lives together. At that point in time I was not sure if I wanted to continue a relationship with him although I still loved him...so my response to him was "I love you too"...for I did. He said he would call me the following week...but never did.
I am convinced he is alive and hopefully doing well for he travels "to a beat of a different drummer."
Do I miss him at times? Yes.
Yet...he visits me in my dreams to this day...so I like to think the love we had and have for each other is alive and well. God speed my precious friend and lover. I hope all is well with you.