My thoughts regarding the election as I expressed to friends and family via text and email this morning:

"There are so many things I could say that I am speechless.  I did not sleep a bit last night.  I am heartbroken.  Hope destroyed.  Faith Shattered.  Ashamed of this country…its people.  And I am scared shitless!  When Kamala was nominated it was like a breath of fresh air…hope was in the air that this nightmare was finally going to be behind us.  With the tens of thousands of people responding to her speeches and rallies, I thought a blue tsunami was going to happen.  Yet…yet…and I risk sounding like our MAGAt friends…something is not right.  Regardless, I am without hope this morning and trying to find some sort of comfort for my soul. I am trying to find a way forward…find some sort of positive thing to cling to…and I cannot.   This is an unmitigated disaster.  Can you imagine how our Nato allies must feel?  Can you imagine the poor people of the Ukraine?  Can you imagine the poor people of Palestine?  Can you imagine the woman of this country?  Can you imagine our gay brethren?  Can you imagine if your skin is a different color?   As one headline this morning read:  “The Nightmare Has Returned.”

This is what I wrote to a close friend this morning:  “My grief is so heavy that I can barely function this morning.  We are at the stage in our lives where we have more days behind us than in front of us.  My dream was to live with a smart, wonderful President in charge.  Now, to be honest, life is grim and it does not seem worth living anymore.  I keep reminding myself one day at a time, one step at a time...but so far that is not working.

If there is anything positive yesterday it was the note from my cardiologist saying that my heart "was pumping well and is strong."

However, this morning my heart is also broken.”

~Wylddane

It was not an epiphany arriving with trumpets, clanging cymbals and beating drums.  Rather it was a quiet moment consummated with gratitude.

While sipping on my morning mug of coffee, I was staring out of the kitchen window at the bird bath.  Splashing around and creating their own fountain effect were the usual robins and bluejays.  Then as I watched, birds would leave and new birds would arrive:  Baltimore orioles, bluebirds, purple finches, a catbird...one and all stopped at the bird bath to play, bathe and refresh.

I found my heart smiling with happiness at their antics and that smile spread to my whole being.  As I watched, I purposely and restfully kept my mind clear. While experiencing that moment, I realized the blessing of being at a time in my life where a simple moment could bring so much joy.

Rest assured that the birds were living in the moment.  They were not consumed by memories of yesterday nor thinking about a tomorrow.  Quite simply they just were.

Those birds have much they could teach all of us.

~Wylddane

For quite a few years now, I have been a student of metaphysics.  My first introduction was through Dr. Wayne Dyer's book "Your Erroneous Zones."  Then my next step in this journey was through Unity...Rev. Maureen Bass at one of the Unity churches in San Francisco.  There is so much I have yet to learn.  However, the journey is a good one.

Lately...well the last few days...I have been a wee bit lost in my thinking which has lead to a restless borderline grumpiness.  This morning I came across this by Thich Nhat Hanh; and, it was just what I needed.

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future—and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.”
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~Thich Nhat Hanh

Actually I should say that this snowfall is what I will remember rather than something that I remember from the past.

It started snowing around 10:30am on Sunday.  It is now nearly noon on Tuesday and it is still snowing.  We have had bouts of freezing rain as well as a few hours of rain during the night which has reduced the volume of snow on the ground.  However, my guesstimate is that by now we've received nearly 20" of snow.

The snow is supposed to continue until 5pm today.

Many, well maybe most, places are closed because of the dangerous driving conditions.

It is with deep gratitude that I've hibernated in the wee cottage in the woods during this storm.  I've read, watched TV, and napped.  Yesterday I finished William Kent Krueger's book "Fox Creek."  Now I am reading Steve Berry's book "Atlas Maneuver."

It is my thought that this quote best sums up these days of snow:

“the comfort of reclusion, the poetry of hibernation”
~Marcel Proust

~Wylddane

On this quiet snowy March afternoon I find my thoughts drifting down Memory Lane.

The other day I came across this picture of Tom and I...from a Christmas many years ago.  To be honest, I had forgot that I even had this picture so coming across it was a pleasant surprise.  I believe it is the only picture that I have of Tom.

Tom had an acerbic wit and that is how he got his nickname of Tacky Tom.  The nickname had rather humble beginnings that came about because I had three friends with the name Tom.  So to differentiate the Tom I might be talking about, I would add a description.  Eventually that description would be shortened to one word.  "Tom, the Tom that can be kind of tacky at times" became "Tacky Tom."

Tacky Tom was one of the first friends I made when I came out as a gay man...and started building a new life with new friends.  He'd studied music at the University of Indiana...and when I met him, he was working as an accountant.  We kind of had that fit because I had studied history at Bethel University yet I was working in banking.  Majors that did not quite translate into our careers.

He had a tiny apartment in south Minneapolis way back then.  The reason I mention the apartment is one of my memories is of an "after bar party" that he had there one Saturday night.  Because Minnesota is very prudish, the bars are only open until 1am.  Consequently, when you are young, 1am is the start of the night...and after bar parties were common back then. For instance if you were at the Gay 90s and it was around midnight, rumors would begin to fly through the place about various "after bar parties" and their locations.

One Saturday night Tom decided it would be fun to have a party at this place.  OMG!  It was a wild success...his tiny apartment was so jam packed with people that it was nearly impossible to move!  Of course, at that these parties everyone brought their own booze.  The drinks flowed, the music was loud, the crowd fun...and Tom was scared that the police would be called and/or he would be evicted.  LOL

Thankfully neither happened.

Another fun memory was of me helping him decorate his Christmas tree at a small (tiny?) house that he was then renting in south Minneapolis.  It was a big tree in a small stand in a small living room.  We were in the process of hanging ornaments when I realized the tree was starting to fall in my direction.  Well, I turned and ran from the room as the tree crashed to the floor behind me...as if it were chasing me.

I turned around to view the damage...the tree on the floor, Tom standing there with his mouth open.  There was a moment of dead silence before we burst into laughter...tears in our eyes type of laughter.

Precious memories.

The years flew by and then Tacky Tom and I lost contact.  I was living in San Francisco and he remained in Minneapolis.  And then the AIDs epidemic hit along with all of its turmoil and we both disappeared from each other.

Every time I think of Tacky Tom my heart smiles because of the good memories.  Wherever he is, I hope he is doing well...and I sure hope he has not lost that acerbic tongue of his!  LOL

God bless you Tacky Tom.

~Wylddane

Let me be very upfront and say that I am not a fan of "Daylight Savings Time."  From the first time I experienced it when I was nine years old...until now when I am olde, it does not make sense to me.

As an American Indian once said:  "Only a paleface would think that cutting off 2 inches on one end of a blanket and sewing it on to the other end would make it longer."

Many of us experience symptoms not unlike jet lag during the first few weeks of Daylight Savings Time (DST).

I quote the NIH here:  "Circadian rhythms are the physical, mental, and behavioral changes an organism experiences over a 24-hour cycle. Light and dark have the biggest influence on circadian rhythms...Most living things have circadian rhythms, including animals, plants, and microorganisms. In humans, nearly every tissue and organ has its own circadian rhythm, and collectively they are tuned to the daily cycle of day and night.
Circadian rhythms influence important functions in the human body, such as:  Sleep patterns"

Personally, my body tells me that when it is light outside, then it is time to wake up.  When it is dark outside, then it is time to go to sleep.  So, suddenly, when I am thrust into DST early in the year, it is very dark in the morning and too light too late into the evening...and it only gets worse during the summer as twilight lingers until nearly 10pm.  I am trying to wake up in the dark and go to sleep when it is light...and my body clock is not agreeing to any of this!  LOL

Today I am now on day six of DST driven jet lag.  Trust me when I say it is not fun.  Over my many years I've tried lots of things to mitigate the effect of DST...and nothing really works.  The lesson learned is that it takes time to adjust and in a few weeks I will be mostly ok.

As any good metaphysician would tell you, "I can't wait to see the good that will come out of this."

Meanwhile, I know that in the fall when we finally return to standard time, my body clock will let out a big sigh of relief and all will be well.

~Wylddane

One year ago we were in what seemed to be the winter that would not end.  Snow gathered on top of snow.  Piles and drifts of snow surrounded our homes like fortress walls.  Gazing out the window left one feeling trapped.

This year winter did not happen.  Christmas day, which can easily and normally be -20(F) was 54(F) with rain.  Temps all winter have run 20 to 30 degrees above normal...and now it seems like spring is arriving early.

According to many forecasters this has been the warmest winter recorded.  El Nino is one of the culprits; and, global warming only accents the effects of El Nino.  Lastly, this has been an extraordinarily dry time too...with little to no snow and little to no rain.  It is a dangerous dry time and outdoor fires and strictly forbidden because of the wildfire danger.

This olde man is praying for rain...sending positive thoughts into the Universe of rainy days outside filling the lakes and rivers and turning the fields green.

~Wylddane